god asked me to bow down,
so i did and he said, you are for adam.
in my peripheral vision, you are the brightest thing in heaven,
and i said, yes. yes, i am his.
trembling palms meet in a palmer's kiss,
and you shied away with each step i took,
adam runs his fingers across my pulse,
and you watch with hungry, thirsty eyes.
my skin feels too hot and too tight,
and i want to burst through in a symphony of light,
so that you'll look at me, so that you'll see me,
even for a brief moment.
i wonder sometimes if you can hear it,
the pathetic thud-thud of my lone heart,
wonder sometimes if it matters, you press a thumb to my sternum
to leave a wreath of purple flowers and i don't think it does.
i remember the apple tree and your wide, wide eyes,
as your fingers spread starlight across my ribs,
and between my thighs, and your voice, exultant,
gloria patri and you are so beautiful.
beautiful. that's what you are, so bright and pure,
and when i kissed you for the first time,
my tongue snaking around yours,
you tasted like fire and mornings and the sweetest fall.
you taught me to feel, to take,
and the first thing i did was spread myself all over,
your thousand-sun skin and drag out little noises,
with my hands and felt myself roast alive.
i writhe under the canopy of your wings and grace,
as you bless me with your hot mouth in all the most secret places,
throwing my head back, i shut my eyes and pray to soak you in,
the vowels of your name fill up my throat and adam's eyes are green.
my knees burrow in the ground, brackets to keep you grounded,
and my tongue paints a honeyed molass love, and you burn,
brighter than ever, brilliantly,
and eden watches you come undone, silent and salient.
you are the heat of fire and the cool of water,
your words are slippery slick and silver-tongued,
your touch is midas-blessed and golden,
and you are mine.
god told you to bow down,
obey them
and i was in your peripheral vision,
when you said, no, i will not.
and as god turned his wrath to you,
i kept you in the circle of my arms,
and stopped praying, trying to keep you
from being swallowed by the sea of despair.
horrified, i watched something break,
and i watched my glorious morningstar,
shatter and shine with an impure light,
you turned into lucifer, the light bringer.
just when i don't think i know you anymore,
you stumble in, lips trembling and eyes flooding the earth for days,
and your fingertips mark springs of green and blue and purple,
on my arms and you say, i've never needed you more, and how do i resist?
adam's fingers trace my lips,
he walks away, cheeks stinging with shame
and anger,
in the shape of my hand.
michael pushes you through the gold gates,
and held me as hellfire burnt our hearts,
where you are, the fire only serving to illuminate the dark;
you took all the light of heaven and wrapped it around your broken grace.
i trace the red snakes around my wrists,
my lips become crimson with my heated kisses,
on your scars of love,
and if i kiss hard enough, i can almost taste you again.
i count each of my blessings carefully,
collecting them and coveting them,
and since you left,
there has been a grand total of zero.
my teeth bite the forbidden fruit, liquid lust burning,
and it gives me the courage to say,
i hate you; do not touch me;
i am not for you, adam.
it should be harder to walk past those golden gates,
harder to leave eden and fall to earth,
but it's not, my morningstar,
it's not.
i left heaven for you,
