mannequin

when i think back to my childhood,
there is a doll.
                      no wait, that's not right;
                      i was more a mimicry of humanity
                      than something so easily different

so, daddy carved me arms and legs and
a mind of diamonds and rosewood and
sugar, and big glassy doe eyes complete
with a set of curled eyelashes as i wrapped
men around my fingers like a chinese finger
trap or a set of rings, three sizes too small,
                      but he was never really happy with me,
                      not really because there was always something too plastic
                                                                                                glassy
                                                                                                transparent about me,

this isn't a case of the bitch biting the hand of its owner,
not when the maker calls his child a whore
but you made me, goddamnit

and these are the words i will never be able to tell you,
because my mouth has been sewn shut by my web of lies;

-

i'm an unfinished work of art,

but i'm still art, right?

-

celebrating supermoon

they say there's a supermoon out tonight,
the first time in eighteen years;
you've never believed in coincidences.

(eighteen years is too coincidental,
 it's when you first start feeling lonely,
 and it's my first debut to existence;
 an errant thought in a young girl's
 womb.)

(eighteen years is too coincidental,
 as you left the icy square prehistory
 and memories of the wine-red sun.)

(eighteen years is too coincidental,
 because that's how long it's taken,
 for me to fly home.)

(oh but, eighteen years is too coincidental,
 because this is the year i realise i kinda
 fucking love you.)

(and eighteen years is too coincidental,
 for this to be a coincidence.)

there's a supermoon out tonight,
for the first time in eighteen years,
it's there to celebrate youandme.

come home, come home

once upon a time,
i took the stars from my eyes,
joined them with yours,
and kept them in a silver
heart-shaped locket around my neck,

i used this chain to find my way back,
to you, to you, to you,
torn, tired trainers trailing
across the vast night sky;
empty as stars and moons,
shy from your smile
you are home, always.

honey, this is love

my heart skips beats and my blood thickens,

like honey and warm milk,

at the sound of your name,

we're only human.

breaking point

you're the sun,

warm and comfortable on my back,

burnt, black skin peels away in face of your radiance.

you heal as you tear to shreds,

e v e r y piece of me,

i'm being stretched beyond my limits,

don't ever please 

stop.

( i don't need you & please don't leave me

there's more to my life than you & you're everything

your happiness is mine & why do you love her and not me? )

love&time conspiracy

          an ever-hungry mouth, like a demon-child, swallows up golden sodium chloride grains,
          that flow through cool glass curves,
          time runs.

          greedy fingers reach up for the fireworks sometimes, as they light up the face of a thousand lost souls,
          thrown into the darkness again, when the stars and moon are blown out like candles,
          love runs.

          through our veins and our smiles and our hearts.
          this is it.

fall apart

there are stars and galaxies and  diamonds falling apart in my dreams,
i dream of your eyes as they look at mine,
there are stars and galaxies and diamonds falling apart in your eyes,

words and imagery and wishes and inspiration kept in a shoebox,
of old, yellowing envelopes and scented violet napkins,
drip, dripping, dropping out through the corners of thirsty sahara eyes,
waterfalls from my pillow to make an ocean underneath my bed,
to match your eyes.

memento

she writes your story in 

lifeb l o o d,

and keeps you real,
in a cacophony of
empty fiction.

platinum albums

i am fire and blood and screams and rage,
your voice is spearmint toothpaste,
on an aeon-old burn,

your heartbeat is the soundtrack of my mind,
but your pulse fades beneath my fingertips,
as i hug you goodbye.

wait a minute, did he--?
he can't have. no way.
you try again.
your eyes glance to the corner of the room and then flick back up,

you catch the slight blur as he looks away hurriedly.

triumph shines in you brighter than gold,
but bitterness coats your lungs,
and tongue.
this is badgood, i don't know.

gaps between my hands

so, number one,
what to call you?
we could have some fun.

so, number two,
what to call you?
it could be just me and you.

so, number three,
what to call you?
i know you wanna be with me.

so, number four,
what to call you?
come meet me on the dance floor.

so, number five,
what to call you?
i can show you what it feels like to be alive.

don't bother to linger,
get in line,
'cos i'm waiting for the right finger,
to loop around mine.

for bethany. i love you, wife.
now, stop mentally cheating on me, kthankxbai.

iris

green eyes,

like apples,

sweet

no, you say

green eyes,

like ivy,

poison

sorry, you say

green eyes,

like glass,

broken

growing up and moving on

your poison seeps through each cell of my skin and mutates me into a ball of suspicions and fear and jealousy. each of your words play over and over in my mind and all i can think is why am i not good enough for anyone ever. i'm so tired of keeping everyone else's pain and misery in mind. i'm so tired of looking after you and watching your back only to have myself stomped to vicious pieces just because you felt like it. i'm tired of being shattered by people that i actually care about. i have a heart too. i get hurt too. i cry too.

grow up and take responsibility for your actions; it's not like i haven't told you what the fuck the problem is.

and that's when it hits me.

i am good enough; i've always been good enough. it's you who's lacking, it's you that's the problem.

if you want to leave, just fucking leave already.

(stop putting on fake tears and smiles and love yous.

you're tainting the word love, and making me taint it too 

[love you, love you, fuck you, fuck you.]

and that's not fair to everyone else i really, really love.)

i won't stop you.

and i won't cry for you.

ever

ever

again.

[the circle is finally broken.]